Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
