So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
