I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
