ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
