lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
