i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
