i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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