i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
