you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
