Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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