If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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