I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
