i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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