Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
