I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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