I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
