Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
