Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
