I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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