my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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