i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
