if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
