I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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