You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
