there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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