Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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