What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
