If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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