so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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