Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
