my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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