I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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