I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
