3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
