I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
