who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
