Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
