Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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