Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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