My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
