Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
