maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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