he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
