i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
