Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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