I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Someone signed my nipple.
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