Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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