her vagine was all disorganized.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
