I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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