she was so not down for the gang bang
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
