Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
