Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
