Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
