im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
pray to the hookup gods
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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