wanna go halves on a baby?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
