fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
