whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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