Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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