Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
