Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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