So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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