Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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