Soap is not a condiment
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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