Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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