Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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