i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
