At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
