I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
