Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
