be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
