i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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