Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
