why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I supernannyed him into submission
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
