I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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