it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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