he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
