I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
