Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how can u be prego again
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
