Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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