She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
