so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
