I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
