having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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