we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
